my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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