You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
