My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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