im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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