This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
