Plan B is the new Plan A
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
