you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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