I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
