my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
