She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Semen is not good for contacts.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
