Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize