i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
