Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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