addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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