I just pynch a tree in the face
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
