I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
