Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize