I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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