it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
