im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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