Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
