I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
