im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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