She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
