I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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