just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
