i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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