I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
