my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If I die, sorry about rent.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
