We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
