wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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