Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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