So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize