so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
