Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have already put on my inside pants.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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