This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
