ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
