so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize