My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
