I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize