At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
