God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
