The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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