so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
