p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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