Welp...herpes.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
