the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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