Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
