you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
