apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
