I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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