I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
