Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
