I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Houston, we have a blender
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
