hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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