well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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