I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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