There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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