I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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