I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
