question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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