You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
