just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
