It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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