i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
