the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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