May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
