sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
